Chapter 5

When it comes to aligning your intentions, the name of the game is mindset work! I’ve given you plenty of work to start off, but you can take it in so many other directions with the following resources.

Money Mindset Must-Haves

“You Are a Badass at Making Money will launch you past the fears and stumbling blocks that have kept financial success beyond your reach. Drawing on her own transformation—over just a few years—from a woman living in a converted garage with tumbleweeds blowing through her bank account to a woman who travels the world in style, Jen Sincero channels the inimitable sass and practicality that made You Are a Badass an indomitable bestseller. She combines hilarious personal essays with bite-size, aha concepts that unlock earning potential and get real results.”

“For many of us, the most challenging and upsetting relationship in our lives is with our finances, bringing feelings of shame or powerlessness. But Bari Tessler’s unique 3-phase program creates the real possibility of ‘money healing’ as a gateway to self-awareness and a training ground for compassion, confidence, & self-worth. Tessler’s gentle, somatic techniques weave together emotional depth, big picture visioning, and refreshingly accessible, nitty-gritty money practices. She breaks it down into 3 phases of Deep Money Work: Money Healing, Money Practices, & Money Maps.”

Mindset Classics

It’s not always the people who start out the smartest who end up the smartest. After decades of research, world-renowned Stanford University psychologist Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D., discovered a simple but groundbreaking idea: the power of mindset. In this brilliant book, she shows how success in school, work, sports, the arts, and almost every area of human endeavor can be dramatically influenced by how we think about our talents and abilities. People with a fixed mindset—those who believe that abilities are fixed—are less likely to flourish than those with a growth mindset—those who believe that abilities can be developed. Mindset reveals how great parents, teachers, managers, and athletes can put this idea to use to foster outstanding accomplishment.”

“In this instant New York Times bestseller, pioneering psychologist Angela Duckworth shows anyone striving to succeed—be it parents, students, educators, athletes, or business people—that the secret to outstanding achievement is not talent but a special blend of passion and persistence she calls ‘grit.’

“Drawing on her own powerful story as the daughter of a scientist who frequently noted her lack of “genius,” Duckworth, now a celebrated researcher and professor, describes her early eye-opening stints in teaching, business consulting, and neuroscience, which led to the hypothesis that what really drives success is not “genius” but a unique combination of passion and long-term perseverance.

Impactful, Heavy Hitters

“We already rely on science to tell us what to eat, when to exercise, and how long to sleep. Why not use science to help us improve our relationships? In this revolutionary book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller scientifically explain why why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle.

“Discover how an understanding of adult attachment—the most advanced relationship science in existence today—can help us find and sustain love. Pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, the field of attachment posits that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways: 

  • Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back
  • Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.
  • Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.

 “Attached guides readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mate) follow, offering a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people they love.”

“When you were a child… 

  • Did your parents tell you were bad or worthless? 
  • Did your parents use physical pain to discipline you? 
  • Did you have to take care of your parents because of their problems? 
  • Were you frightened of your parents? 
  • Did your parents do anything to you that had to be kept secret?

“Now that you are an adult… 

  • Do your parents still treat you as if you were a child? 
  • Do you have intense emotional or physical reactions after spending time with your parents? 
  • Do your parents control you with threats or guilt? 
  • Do they manipulate you with money? 
  • Do you feel that no matter what you do, it’s never good enough for your parents?

“In this remarkable self-help guide, Dr. Susan Forward drawn on case histories and the real-life voices of adult children of toxic parents to help you free yourself from the frustrating patterns of your relationship with your parents — and discover an exciting new world of self-confidence, inner strength, and emotional independence.”

“From Dr. Patricia Love, a ground-breaking work that identifies, explores and treats the harmful effects that emotionally and psychologically invasive parents have on their children, and provides a program for overcoming the chronic problems that can result.”

Note from Jessie: Listen, I know this has a really intense title, but you probably need to read this. If you have an inconsistent sense of self as an adult (believing you’re THE SHIT one minute and dog shit the next), it’s probably due to enmeshment with one or both of your caretakers. Are you the golden child? Read it. Are you the scapegoat? Read it. Are you the black sheep? Read it. I truly believe anyone can benefit from this information, regardless of whether you lived the experience or want to ensure you don’t fuck up your kids too much.

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